Entering a new relationship can be exciting, but it can also stir up deep-seated fears and insecurities—especially if you have an anxious attachment style. You might find yourself overanalyzing texts, feeling preoccupied with your partner’s feelings, ruminating, or struggling with self-doubt. If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone. As an Oakland therapist specializing in therapy for anxiety and mind-body therapy, I support clients in navigating these emotions with mindfulness, self-compassion, and nervous system regulation.

If your anxious attachment has been activated, here are some holistic ways to ground yourself and return to a sense of inner stability:

1. Regulate Your Nervous System

Anxious attachment is often rooted in a dysregulated nervous system. When we feel uncertain or disconnected, our bodies interpret this as a threat, triggering anxiety and a need for reassurance. The good news is you can shift your state using simple somatic practices.

• Deep Breathing: Try box breathing—inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4—to calm your body.
• Polyvagal Techniques: Humming, gentle rocking, or even splashing cold water on your face can help soothe an activated nervous system.
• Grounding Exercises: Press your feet into the floor, hold a warm cup of tea, or name five things you see, hear, and feel to anchor yourself in the present.

2. Cultivate A Sense of Inner Security

When anxiety takes over, it can feel like your sense of self is slipping away. Rebuilding inner security can help you feel more whole, regardless of what’s happening in your relationship. Practice being your own rock.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself like you would a close friend. Instead of judging your feelings, acknowledge them with kindness: “It makes sense that I feel this way. I am doing my best.”
• Use Grounding Affirmations: Try repeating: I am safe. I am deserving of love. I trust myself to navigate this moment.
• Journaling: Write down what’s coming up for you. Ask yourself, What do I need right now? This shifts your focus from fear to self-care.

3. Shift from External Reassurance to Internal Safety

When anxious attachment is activated, it’s easy to look to a partner for validation. But true security comes from within.

• Instead of hyper-focusing on their responses, ask yourself: What makes me feel grounded outside of this relationship?
• Invest in your own joy—whether it’s spending time with supportive friends, engaging in creative expression, or deepening your self-care practices.
• Strengthen your mind-body connection through mindfulness, yoga, or other holistic healing modalities.

4. Communicate from a Regulated Place

Healthy relationships thrive on clear and compassionate communication. If you need reassurance, it’s okay to ask for it—just make sure you’re doing so from a grounded state.

• Instead of reacting impulsively, give it some space. Take a breath, go for a walk, or journal before responding.
• Frame your needs as requests rather than demands. For example: “I love feeling connected with you. Can we set aside time to check in?”
• Remember: Your emotions are valid, but they don’t define you.

5. You Are Whole—With or Without a Relationship

At its core, healing anxious attachment is about building trust in yourself. A relationship can be a beautiful part of your life, but it doesn’t define your worth. You are already enough, exactly as you are.

If you’re struggling with relationship anxiety, attachment wounds, or self-doubt, you don’t have to navigate it alone. As a holistic psychotherapist in the San Francisco Bay Area, I specialize in anxiety therapy that integrates Western depth-oriented approaches with Eastern philosophies and techniques. Together, we can help you feel more grounded, confident, and at peace in your relationships—and within yourself.

If you’re ready to deepen your self-trust and emotional resilience, contact me to schedule a free consultation. My team of skilled therapists and I are here.