Procrastination as a Protector

I know what I need to do, I know it will make my life easier, but I just can’t seem to get it done. We’ve all been there – whether it’s a pile of dishes in the sink, clean laundry waiting in the hamper, or even that guided meditation it’s so hard to make time for – why does it feel so impossible to do all the things we want to do in a day?

Why Do We Procrastinate Even When We Know What’s Good for Us?

So often when I’m working with my clients, I hear them say things like “I know this is good for me but I just can’t get myself to do it,” or “I want to do yoga and meditate and journal but when I have the time I just don’t.” When we explore this experience, there’s often some subtle judgments that come up, like “I just need to do better,” or “why can’t I do what everyone else seems to,” or even “I just need to stop being lazy.”

We often have a strong sense of the parts of ourselves that want to achieve, to do more, to be successful. Though this internal voice can be a powerful motivator, for many it has the potential to be quite harsh. But what about the part that resists?

What If Procrastination Is Trying to Protect You?

Let’s try something. I want you to take a moment to close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and check in with yourself.

Can you picture the version of you that pushes to achieve, and to do more? How old is she? What is she wearing? What is she saying?

Ok, now put her to the side for just a moment. Feel into the resistance that comes up when you don’t want to do anything. Where do you feel it in your body? Can you picture this part of you? How old is she? What does she need? What is she asking for?

When I do this exercise with my clients or with myself, that resistant part is often revealed to be a younger version of ourselves demanding to be taken care of. Maybe it is a rebellious teen – fighting for independence, maybe it is an inner child asking for gentleness and care, maybe it is a young adult who grew up fast and is begging for rest.

This part, this resistance, this procrastination – it is not an enemy. It might even be one of your most loving advocates.

The part that wants to achieve is trying to take care of you – but so is the part that needs to say no. They’re actually both on your side. In fact, sometimes when the achiever part can get critical or even harsh, that resistant part is actually fighting for kindness.

Procrastination, Perfectionism, and the Pressure to Do More

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that we are living in a hyper-individualized world full of high expectations. Things that used to be communal are now our responsibility to take care of alone. We used to socialize while taking care of things – now everything needs to be scheduled individually.

And quite frankly–there just isn’t enough time in the day to give your job your best, keep your home clean, to have a full and rich social life, go to the gym, to cultivate meaningful romantic connection, and to explore your creative self-expression – not to mention touching grass and getting enough sunshine!

There are definitely strategic solutions to this – it’s absolutely possible to find a balance that works for you in your unique life with your desires, goals, and values.

But before we get to building the life of our dreams – can we take a moment to love ourselves through the struggle?

What Happens When We Meet Resistance With Self-Compassion?

Is there room to hold compassion for – and maybe even give permission to the part of us that says “I don’t want to do all of this”-?

What would it look like to set down the internal battle and embrace this part? To give her the space to be heard, seen, and felt?

Is there anger? Grief?

Can it be okay to sit with this – even just for a few moments?

Oftentimes, when we give ourselves permission to truly experience the unpleasant feeling, the charge of that inner battle loses some steam. When each part gets permission to exist fully, they stop trying to fight each other for control – and then we get some space to just be, to choose our next actions from a place of presence and peace rather than pushing from that place of “should.”

You Don’t Have to Fight Yourself to Move Forward

Sometimes procrastination isn’t a sign that you’re lazy, unmotivated, or incapable of following through. It may be an invitation to slow down and listen to what a part of you is trying to communicate.

If you find yourself caught in a cycle of procrastination, perfectionism, self-criticism, or feeling overwhelmed by everything you think you should be doing, therapy can offer a space to slow down, understand what’s underneath the resistance, and develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

You don’t have to keep pushing yourself harder. Sometimes the first step toward meaningful change is learning to listen to the part of you that is asking for something different.

If this resonates with you, you’re welcome to reach out to learn more about therapy and whether working together might be a good fit.

Warmly,
Carter

Written by Carter Bostwick, AMFT (#141938)
Associate Marriage & Family Therapist
Supervised by Elana Morgulis, MFT