From the first moment I looked into her puppy eyes, I knew my relationship with Madeline was going to be different. I had many animal companions throughout my life, big and small, but in that moment I knew. She grew to be my best friend, my little soulmate in dog form. Over the years, we had many adventures together. When she was diagnosed with cancer at twelve years old, I was devastated. When she died six months later, my heart was broken. I had known it would hurt, but I wasn’t prepared for the depth of my grief.
I was lucky to have supportive people in my life who understood our relationship and recognized my profound grief. I was also impacted by those who did not understand, who said things like “it’s just a dog” and “when are you going to get another one?”. These responses minimized my loss and left me feeling isolated in my grief.
Our animal companions are part of our family. They share our space, our daily routines, and provide physical and emotional companionship. For some of us they can be the first experience we have of giving and receiving unconditional love. In light of this connection and love, our grief when we lose our animal companions can be intense.
Grief is a natural and normal process that happens when we lose someone or something with which we have formed a meaningful attachment. It’s not one feeling or experience, but rather an umbrella that encompasses all of the emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical experiences after a loss. Current understanding of the grief process has moved away from the idea that grief unfolds in predictable linear stages. Grief is now understood as a dynamic and, at times, messy process that ebbs and flows over time. There is no right way to grieve and no standard timeline for healing. Everyone’s grief is an individual and unique experience of a universal part of life.
Grief takes energy, both mental and physical. It interrupts our sleep and makes us lose our appetites. Rest, hydration, and nutrition are key supporters of this process. Often people are surprised by the brain fog or lack of concentration they experience in mourning. These experiences can be understood as our brains working in the background to process our feelings and to make sense of the loss. Our brains, our souls, and our bodies experience the pain of the loss. This is why it is so important to take good care of ourselves as we traverse our grief. It is so important to be kind to ourselves as we struggle to function in a world without our animal companions.
One of the strongest protective factors during bereavement is social connection. Humans are wired to grieve in relationship with others, and having our loss witnessed can reduce feelings of isolation and validate our experience. Whether this is connecting with supportive friends and family, joining a support group, or seeking therapy, finding a way to avoid being alone in your grief is an important part of the process.
Although grief changes over time, it is not something we simply get over. While we are forever impacted by the love and loss of our beloved, we can gradually learn to integrate the loss into our lives. Our relationships with our animal companions do not end when they die; they continue in memory, in love, and in the impact they have on who we are and how we see the world. Healing is not about forgetting them, it is about learning to carry both the love and the loss forward.
If you, or someone you know, is experiencing the grief of losing an animal companion and is looking for individual support, I would be honored to share in your journey.
Contact me for a free consultation at 415-379-0346 or re*****@*********************ss.com. Learn more about me by reading my profile on Psychology Today.
Warmly,
Rebecca
Rebecca Gies, APCC (#12677)
Associate Professional Clinical Counselor
Supervised by Elana Morgulis, LMFT
