Let’s talk about boundaries.
Whether you’re just beginning to explore them, feel overwhelmed by the idea, or have done years of work and still find yourself learning (like most of us), boundaries can stir up a lot, like guilt, confusion, even grief. Yet they hold the potential for deep peace and freedom.
Growing up, boundaries weren’t a part of the picture. Like many of us, I learned early on to adapt, please, and over-function. I struggled with excessive guilt and responsibility in relationships. It wasn’t until graduate school that I was even introduced to the concept. It took years of therapy and inner work to begin practicing them in a way that felt true and sustainable.
There are different types of boundaries, and layers to the work. Maybe I’ll explore more of those in a future post. But at the core, boundaries are about self-respect. They’re the compassionate act of acknowledging where you end and someone else begins. And honoring that space.
This week, I want to share a simple boundary mantra I first heard from one of my earliest clinical supervisors:
“What other people say and do has more to do with them and their history than it does with me.”
I invite you to try this one when you feel reactive, misunderstood, or judged. The intention is to help you ground and re-center in the truth of who you are.
Caveats: boundaries are not walls. They are not about others, they’re about our feelings and needs. Having them doesn’t mean we stop caring, become disconnected, or have no responsibility. They mean we can relate from a more centered place with compassion and without abandoning ourselves.
What I hope for you this week is to try holding this mantra close. Try it on for size. See how it feels, and what comes up. Reach out for support if it feels challenging. Check out this month’s blog for an integrated practice.
Warmly,
Elana
